What Barbara Sher taught me about mistakes, money, and freedom – and what I only truly understood through pain
- 2 days ago
- 5 min read
The last three keys.
This is the second part of the Barbara Sher series. You can find the first part – Keys 1 to 4 – here → Keys 1-4 . It's about fun, expectations, diversity, and curiosity. This one will be more honest.
Looking back on my life, there are two kinds of knowledge: the knowledge I've read, and the knowledge that has cost me.
The next three keys belong to the second category.
I'm not perfect yet :-). However, I know how it feels when you don't have them (the keys). Read slowly. And if something inside you reacts – stay with it for a moment.
Key 5
The most expensive lesson of my life – and why making mistakes is an art.
I've gritted my teeth more than once in my life. Literally .
I continued with training courses even though I knew – at the latest after the first session – that this wasn't what I'd paid for. Not what was promised. Not what I needed.
There was one instance where I should have demanded my money back after day one. I should have done it.
The person in front of me was brazen. Threatening in a way that's hard to describe – but which every woman who's ever sat in a room and thought: I want to get out of here. But I don't dare.
I stayed. I rebelled inwardly. I hoped things would get better. They didn't.
My colleague, who felt the same way, said dryly afterwards: "That would have been like three weeks of Ayurveda in Sri Lanka." She was right.
Barbara Sher wrote:
Insist on the freedom to make mistakes.
For a long time, I thought that meant: Be brave. Dare to do something. Take the big step. But there are two kinds of mistakes.
The mistake of taking a risk – and failing. And the mistake of not taking a risk – and suffering anyway. The second is the more expensive one; it costs money. Not just financially.
What kept me there back then wasn't my conviction. Not my hope. It was a sense of duty. Shame. The voice that said: You've paid, so stay. You started, so finish. What will the others think if you leave now?
I know this voice well; it accompanied me throughout my childhood.
This is not freedom. This is the old cage in a new guise.
And what about gritting your teeth? Sometimes it's strength. Sometimes it's just another word for: I don't dare to say no.
I can distinguish between them now. Not always perfectly yet, but much more consciously.
And when I realize I'm biting, I ask myself: Am I biting out of conviction – or out of fear?
Your question for today: Which training, relationship, or project should you have ended earlier – and what kept you going?
Key 6
Keep moving forward. And still pay the rent.
It was almost always good when I followed my flow.
When I followed my inner calling – the quiet "yes" that came from my heart and not my head – things fell into place. Not always immediately. Not always in the way I expected. But they did fall into place.
The river never led me astray. And yet, there's this one question that still haunts me to this day:
How do I make money with this?
No, there is no doubt and no fear of dreaming.
But it's an honest, mature question from a woman who knows: It's not just about emotional well-being. It's also about the freedom that financial independence provides. About the foundation that makes it possible to stay in the flow.
My real struggle – which I'm mentioning to you today because you might know it – is not the finding.
It's the integration . It 's easier to add something new than to really bring together what I already have.
Coaching training. Hypnotherapy. Astrology. Shamanic work. Writing. Thirty years of experience that defy categorization into any job title in the world.
How do you create a picture from a mosaic that others immediately understand – and that is still you?
That's the question I'm "still" working on. The mosaic is constantly changing. :-).
Barbara Sher wrote:
Don't sacrifice your dreams to financial considerations.
I believe her. Completely. And I add to that what I've learned: The flow of life and money are not adversaries.
The river leads you to what you love. The money follows when you learn to make what you love visible.
Not the other way around. First the flow. Then the visibility. Then the money. In that order.
Your question for today: What do you love that you haven't yet made visible – because you don't know how to make money from it?
Key 7
The day I stopped explaining.
There was a moment – a few years ago – when I wanted to fix everything again.
You might recognize this impulse. When something goes wrong. When there's a misunderstanding. When you sense that someone has a false impression of you.
I need to clarify this. I need to explain this. I need to set the record straight.
I tried.
And I didn't come out of it well. Not for me. Not for the relationship. Not for the situation.
For me. Deep down. Where it matters. That was the moment I understood something I had previously only known intellectually:
Saying nothing is not a solution either.
Silence out of fear. Silence for the sake of peace. Silence because one doesn't know how else to speak. That is not dignity – that is resignation.
But the opposite – talking, explaining, justifying, trying to convince – that is not freedom either. Freedom lies somewhere in between.
It has a name: attitude. Attitude is not something loud. It needs no words.
It's the way you enter a room. The way you look when someone judges you. The way you breathe when someone questions your decisions.
My attitude says: I know who I am. You don't need to confirm that. No book or training taught me that.
A painful moment taught me this: I don't need her approval. I ONLY need my own.
Barbara Sher wrote about a woman who wrote to her on her 54th birthday:
"Today I decided to dedicate the coming year to the life I truly want to lead. No matter what others think. And more importantly: no matter what I assume others might think."
This last sentence.
Regardless of what I assume, or what others may think.
How often do we live not according to what others think – but according to what we imagine they think? According to a story we tell ourselves before anyone has even said anything?
The judgment of others is often not even there. We carry it ourselves. For so long that it feels like a part of us.
This topic has been with me for a very long time. I'll probably encounter it again and again. I've reached a point where I know: the people who truly know me don't need an explanation.
And those who don't know me? They'll get to know me through my attitude. Or not.
Both are fine.
Your question for today: Whose judgment are you still carrying with you – even though you could have let it go long ago?
What now?
All seven keys are now in your possession. This is neither a checklist nor a guide.
It's more of an invitation, an invitation to get to know you in a new way.
Perhaps you noticed while reading that one of these keys touched on something bigger than a blog post. Something that has been waiting for you for a long time.
If you feel it's time to take a deeper look – not alone, but with someone who understands how you really tick – then I'm here.
Let's look at it together.
Book a free initial consultation with me → Contact
Ursina
The first part of the series – keys 1 to 4 – can be found here.
Ursina | Fried & Partner Coaching · Hypnosis · Astrology · Shamanism www.friedpartner.ch
Comments