"That's pointless." – 4 keys from Barbara Sher for deep thinkers

Schlüssel von Barbara Sher - und wie sie dein Leben verändern

Barbara Sher's 4 keys – and why they changed my life.

For all the deep thinkers, scanner personalities, and highly sensitive women who have tried for too long to fit into a box that wasn't made for them.

I had never heard of Barbara Sher when someone handed me her book.

I remember it so clearly: I sat there, read the first few pages – and thought: She knew me. How is that possible? Barbara Sher, Multithinkers

Secondary keywords: Scanner personality women, highly sensitive neurodivergent coach, multipotentialite Switzerland

Barbara Sher was an American author and life coach who, long before terms like "neurodivergence" or "scanner personality" existed, saw people like us. People with too many interests. Too many talents. Too many directions they want to go in at once.

She didn't pathologize us. She described us.

And she left us seven keys.

Today I'm sharing four of them with you.

Read slowly. And when an idea flashes through your mind – don't just let it pass. It's not a coincidence.

Schlüssel 1 - Das bringt doch nichts

Key 1

"That's pointless." – And why fun is the most direct path to your talents.

I was a child who dreamed.

I saw rooms and rearranged them in my mind. I felt how colors spoke to each other. I wanted to become an interior designer – and I said it out loud because I didn't yet know that you weren't supposed to do that.

The answer came quickly. "That's pointless. That's futile. Stay grounded in reality. Don't dream, Ursina." ... that was part of the argument for reality :-)

And then the sentence that was so deeply ingrained that I repeated it myself for years – against myself: "That doesn't achieve anything."

Perhaps you recognize this phrase. Perhaps not in these exact words. But in this feeling: that what makes you feel alive somehow doesn't count. Isn't enough. Isn't taken seriously.

And that's how we learn to adapt.

I became a saleswoman. Then an accountant. Then an HR specialist. Then an accountant again. Then an organizer. Four complete professions – all solid, all sensible , all somehow right.

And everyone else somehow... not me.

Barbara Sher wrote something that still sustains me today:

"Having fun isn't stupid or frivolous – it gives you the most important lessons of your life."

What you do for fun – without commission, without an audience, without justification – that's not a waste of time. That's the most direct path to your talents. And your talents? They're always close. Frighteningly close. They've always been there.

Your question for tonight: What would you have done as a child – if no one had told you it was pointless? Write it down. Not for me. For you.

Das hast du gut gemach - 4 Worte, auf die ich mein Leben ausgerichtet habe - Schlüssel 2

Key 2

"You did a good job." – The four words I have based my life on.

I remember exactly how it felt when other children came home and told me what their parents had said.

"We are so proud of you." "You are special." "You did a wonderful job."

I heard these sentences – through walls, through other mouths, through strangers' stories.

They didn't come to me.

Not because I didn't try. I did try. With every sensible decision. With every step towards reality. With every yes that was actually a no.

I waited.

And the silence that followed was louder than any "no." Perhaps you know that invisible checklist you've internalized at some point: If I do this, I'll be noticed. If I achieve that, I will be loved. If I am reasonable, I am enough.

The problem is: the checklist is endless. And the validation you're waiting for comes from people who might not even be able to give it. Not because you're not good enough, but because they themselves never learned how.

Something began to form inside me. A rebel. Loud, stubborn, tired. It said: Enough. I am enough. I've done enough for her.

And he was right. Absolutely right.

But he was pulling me in the wrong direction. Because a rebel fights against something. He defines himself through resistance. And as long as you rebel against the expectations of others, you're still chained to them. Only with the opposite sign.

You no longer do what they want. But you're not yet doing what you want either.

You are free – and at the same time not free.

Barbara Sher wrote:

"You can't find out what you love if your head is full of voices telling you what to do."

These voices don't have to be loud. Sometimes they're not even voices anymore – just reflexes. Automatic decisions that feel like your own.

Listen. Whose voice is that really?

And then – if you're honest – perhaps comes the hardest part:

The realization that no one will come to make it up to you. That is truly worth mourning.

But it also means: You can stop waiting.

You can now give yourself what you needed.

Your question for tonight: What decision have you made for someone else – and explained to yourself as your own for so long that you believed it yourself?

Sie nannte mich einen Schmetterling - Schlüssel 3

Key 3

"She called me a butterfly." – Why your diversity is not a flaw, but your mosaic.

Butterfly.

It sounded like a compliment. But it wasn't. It was a friendly way of saying: You never stay long enough. You're always jumping around. You can't make up your mind. You're too much—and at the same time too little—of everything.

I knew that look. That slight shake of the head. That patient sigh.

And I swallowed it. Again and again. Until I started thinking it myself.

But then I remember what really happened.

I didn't just want one sport. I wanted two. Not because one wasn't enough – but because both lived within me, simultaneously, completely, authentically. There wasn't enough money for both. I understood that. But the conclusion I drew from that – that she always wants something new, that she never sticks with anything – that wasn't true. She simply misunderstood.

I persevered. I'm still researching to this day. Sometimes it goes quickly, sometimes it takes longer. Sometimes I think I'm losing the thread – and then, months later, I realize: there always was one.

Perhaps you know this feeling. That your life consists of too many chapters that don't fit together. Too many interests. Too many directions. Too many beginnings that others interpret as dead ends.

And at the same time, this quiet, persistent knowledge:

It all belongs together. I don't know how yet. But it all belongs together.

Barbara Sher called us scanners.

Not as a diagnosis. As a description. People who don't superficially want many things – but delve deeply into many things.

The accounting that provided structure. The HR work that created people. The coaching that provides depth. Every training course that brought joy. Every "yes" that came from within.

This is not chaos.

It's a puzzle. And the longer you live, the clearer the picture becomes. You're not a butterfly fluttering about. You're someone whose roots reach so far they're invisible—until you start looking.

Wohin führt das? - Schlüssel 4

Your question for tonight: What have you stopped doing because someone else decided it wasn't right for you? And: What if that's exactly what you're missing?

Key 4

"Where will this lead me?" – Why your curiosity is the smartest force within you.

There were moments in my life that others called crises. A new direction. Again. An unexpected turn. Yet again. A yes to something no one understood. A step for which there was no rational explanation. I saw the stares. Heared the silence, louder than any question. Watched how those around me fluctuated between concern, head-shaking, and discreet attempts to change my mind.

And me?

I stood there. Calm. Curious. Inwardly almost a little amused.

I wonder where this will lead. What kind of experience will I have this time? Where will life lead me through this door?

That wasn't naivety. That was and is my attitude. Do you know what has carried me through all the tricky situations?

Not courage. Not strategy. Not a perfect plan. This one, constant question: Where is this leading me?

I never lost my curiosity. Not through four careers. Not through all the expectations. Not through all the moments when others thought I finally had to make a decision.

I have always seen it as a talent. As a compass.

And Barbara Sher has confirmed this:

"When you investigate the things that intrigue you, you are unknowingly on a guided quest."

Guided search.

Not aimless. Not chaotic. Guided – by something within you that knows more than your mind. That knew earlier. That knew more calmly. And your surroundings? They can watch. You don't have to bring anyone along. You don't have to justify a "yes" that comes from within you and that you yourself don't yet fully understand. Just stand by it. Observe how others react to it.

And move on.

One day you will look back and see how all those seemingly random "yes" moments came together to form something that only you could have put together.

Your question for tonight: What was the last "yes" you suppressed because you didn't know how to explain it? And what if your life is waiting for exactly that?

Schlüssel 5-7 sind auf dem Weg

Keys 5, 6 and 7 go a few steps further.

They show you how to build a direction from this insight. How curiosity becomes clarity. How clarity becomes strength. How you, as a multi-thinker, a scanner, a highly sensitive woman, can live exactly what you were meant to live—not despite your diversity, but because of it. Even if you can't yet see the destination. Even if you think it's too late.

Believe me: It's not too late.

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Keys 5, 6 and 7 will follow in a new blog post.

Ursina

Ursina | friedpartner.ch Coaching · Hypnosis · Astrology · Shamanic work For women who are more than a pigeonhole.