When the ground beneath you feels unsteady – 7 grounding tools for neurodivergent women in perimenopause
- May 4
- 4 min read
Sweaty palms. Racing heart. Thoughts racing – and a body that feels like it no longer belongs to you. If this sounds familiar, you're not alone.
CONTENT
I know that feeling. I know it as a woman who has always been highly sensitive and multi-talented – without knowing it.
I know it as someone who functioned, planned, led, and organized. And who at some point realized: The framework that held me up is shaky.
For many of us, this is exactly the image of perimenopause and menopause. Not just a hormonal issue, but the moment when years of masking it suddenly takes more energy than we have.
The anxiety that then arises has evolutionary roots. Our nervous system is designed to recognize danger – and as neurodivergent women, our systems are often more sensitive, alert, and more intensely stimulated anyway. The declining estrogen level further intensifies this. Dopamine, concentration, mood – everything is thrown into disarray.
The good news: There are tools. Not miracle cures. But real, proven techniques that help you anchor yourself back in the here and now – when the waves come.
Here are the 7 that I always recommend – and use myself.
The 7 grounding tools
TOOL 01
The five senses – return to the body
Close your eyes. Take three deep breaths in and out. Then ask yourself: What do you see? What do you feel? What do you hear? What do you smell? What do you taste?
This exercise immediately takes you out of the mental hamster wheel – and back into your body. It's particularly effective for highly sensitive women because it uses sensory perception instead of fighting against it.
Tip: It works anywhere. In the office, in the supermarket, in the toilet. Nobody has to see it.
TOOL 02
Holding an object – the anchor in the hand
A smooth stone. A small object you like. Hold it in your hand and focus all your attention on it: How heavy is it? How does the surface feel? Is it cool or warm?
For us, who often live in our heads – in scenarios, plans, worst cases – the physical experience of an object is a powerful call back to the present.: Choose a stone that is meaningful to you. This makes it more personal – and therefore more effective.
TOOL 03
Grounding chair – releasing the weight
Sit down. Really. Not on the edge of the chair. Feel the weight of your body on the seat. Imagine all the heaviness – the thoughts, the exhaustion, the fear – flowing through your feet into the ground.
Many neurodivergent women constantly carry a heavy burden without realizing it. This exercise reminds you: You don't have to carry it alone.
Tip: Two minutes is enough. Even in a meeting, if your feet are flat on the floor.
TOOL 04
Ask questions – Where am I now?
When fear arises, we often lose ourselves in the past or future. Consciously ask yourself: Where am I right now? What day is it? What season is it? How old am I?
These simple questions activate the thinking part of your brain – and calm the amygdala. Even better: Write down the answers. Writing grounds you in two ways.
Tip: Scanner personalities love journaling anyway. It also has a therapeutic effect for them.
TOOL 05
Positive coping statement – talking to yourself
Formulate a sentence that suits you. For example: "I am here. This will pass. I have overcome more difficult things."
Say it out loud – or in your mind. Repeat it until you believe it. This isn't wishful thinking. This is neuroplasticity: we can change our reaction patterns through repetition.
Tip: Choose words that feel genuine – not perfect. Your nervous system can tell the difference.
TOOL 06
Three-minute breathing space – your inner reset
Step one : Observe your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations – without judgment. Step two : Focus your attention on your breath. Feel your belly rise and fall.
Step three : Expand your awareness to your whole body – and still keep breathing.
This technique from mindfulness research is effective in three minutes. For those of us whose nervous systems are chronically on high alert, daily practice is not a luxury – it's essential for our well-being.
Tip: Use it as a morning or evening ritual: This creates structure – and structure calms neurodivergent systems.
TOOL 07
Finger breathing – also for women accompanying children
Trace the outline of your other hand with one finger. Inhale as your finger moves up. Exhale as it moves down. Five fingers. Five breaths.
Originally developed for children – but honestly: I use it myself. There's something about it that feels childlike and simple, that takes us out of our heads. Maybe because we girls never learned to simply breathe.
Tip: Also perfect if you are accompanying your child and can barely breathe yourself.
These tools are not a substitute for support and guidance. It's important for me to say this – as someone who long believed she had to solve everything alone. Also as a neurodivergent, highly sensitive, multi-talented woman. Even with thirty years of professional experience – I, too, seek guidance.
Grounding helps you return to the present moment. It doesn't answer the question of why you've spent half your life masking yourself. It doesn't resolve the exhaustion of perimenopause. And it doesn't replace support—from other women, from professionals, from spaces where you can finally be yourself.
But it gives you back what you need right now: a moment of peace. A breath of agency. A beginning.
Do you recognize yourself in this text – and know that grounding tools alone are not enough?
I support women over 40 who are neurodiverse and perimenopause – and who sense that it's time for things to change. No more just functioning. Real life.
Get in touch for an initial conversation.
Ursina
Yould you like to know more about my work? https://www.friedpartner.ch/en
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