The family is driven by hormones, and you hold everything together.

You wake up.

Die Familie, wenn Hormone sich treffen

And even before you've properly opened your eyes, it starts. "What do I have to do today? Where's my list? Did I forget something yesterday? How will I get through the day?" And this tiredness, not the tiredness after a bad night, but this other, deeper kind, the one that's already there before the day has even begun.

You get up. You make coffee. You tell yourself: It'll be alright.

Hopefully everyone will be a little bit friendly today.

And then come the teenagers.

The family is hormone-driven.

I say this without irony: In some phases, the family is driven by hormones. You with your perimenopause. Her with puberty. Two hormonal systems under one roof, both processing everything at once. Everyone's in a state of flux. Brain under construction.

And you're the one who holds everything together. The one who makes it work. The one who "will somehow manage".

Only – with brain fog, exhaustion, and the faint feeling of having some sort of mush in my head.

That's not funny. That's just how it is right now.

Das Gehirn im Umbau - Veränderung

What's really happening here

This isn't about you becoming weaker. This isn't about you failing as a mother. This isn't about you "losing control."

This is your body, going through one of the biggest transitions it knows – and your highly sensitive mind is registering it all. The teenagers' exhaustion. The atmosphere at the breakfast table. Your own hormones. That list that's somewhere. All at once, all so exhausting.

And because you are highly sensitive, there is no "simply blocking it out". There is only: feeling everything, processing everything, and carrying on anyway.

This costs more than others realize.

Die Liste, die niemand schreibt

The list that nobody writes

There's no app for what you're currently carrying around with you. No checklist for "highly sensitive + perimenopause + teenager + everyday life". No instruction manual that tells you: This is how it works.

What exists is you. Every morning. Sometimes with coffee, sometimes without. Sometimes with a list, sometimes without.

And that's what counts. Even if it doesn't feel that way right now.

The question that frightens

And sometimes – not often, but sometimes – another question arises.

Not according to the list. Not according to the deadline. Not according to what teenagers need today.

A larger one. One that she quickly pushes away again because it would take up too much space.

Möchte ich?

Do I want to grow old with this family?

And then the "or" – which she doesn't think through to the end.

Not because the answer is no. But because the question arises at all. Because it's there. Because it shows that something inside her is searching – for something she can't yet name.

This isn't a marital crisis. This isn't a bad mother. This is a woman whose current role is slowly becoming too restrictive – and who doesn't yet have a new one.

Anger for no reason. Dissatisfaction even though nothing has changed. A frayed nerve. This is not moodiness.

This is a woman in transition. Right in the middle of it all. Without a map.

And that – precisely that – is the moment when…

that she shouldn't be alone.

What you are allowed to do today

Not remembering everything. Not accomplishing everything. Not being the right person for everyone at the same time.

Having a mess in your head – and still being here. That's enough.

You don't have to function perfectly today.

You just have to get through the day. And you will.

If you need someone who understands this – without explaining, without relativizing, without saying "all women have this" – I'm here for you.

Ursina